Co-parenting is often held up as the goal divorcing parents should aim for. It’s said they should work together and communicate regularly over matters concerning their child to give their child the best chance of growing up well-rounded, rather than forever scarred by the divorce.
For most parents, co-parenting will be best. But, in some cases, it is better to go about things differently. Here are two reasons why you might want to minimize the communication between you:
If the other parent has a history of manipulating you
Some people are great at getting their own way. If you are married to one of them it probably took a big effort to make the divorce happen. Your spouse may have tried all sorts of manipulative tactics, from crying and promising you they will change, to gaslighting you to make you think you would be unable to survive without them.
People like that won’t stop just because you end the marriage. If you share a child, they will use that connection to try and gain control over you just as they did when you were married. Reducing contact to the bare minimum may be the only realistic way to escape their attempts to influence your life.
If the other parent has been violent toward you
Your safety is crucial and a violent ex-spouse can be just as dangerous as a violent spouse. While you could try limiting their opportunities to harm you, such as only doing handovers in public places or with a third party present, sometimes it is better to go further. Remember it is not just physical violence that can harm. Psychological violence, such as can be done when speaking with someone on the phone, can also be incredibly harmful.
If you feel co-parenting is not an option, consider legal guidance to explore and push for alternative options.
