If you’re considering divorce or preparing to file, you’ve probably given some thought to how you’ll talk to your family, friends, colleagues and those in your various social circles about this decision. What about your child?
Children also need to maneuver these awkward conversations with their peers and other adults who may express concern. However, too often, they aren’t given much – if any – guidance by their parents for engaging in these interactions. Whether they’re in pre-school or high school, they’ll likely have to deal with uncomfortable questions and comments and questions, and they need to be ready.
Prepare your child for these conversations
It’s especially important to talk with young children about the things that people might ask or say to them. It’s important for them to know they don’t have to answer questions they don’t want to. They’re allowed to have boundaries. You can do some casual role playing with your child so they have simple responses prepared.
Don’t let your child be frightened by what others say
Sometimes, what’s worse than the questions are the things kids hear from their friends or even adults. Divorce is different for everyone. Hearing that a friend almost never sees one parent any more or that another had to move to a small apartment can be frightening. Make sure your child knows that what happened in one family has nothing to do with yours. Tell them to let you know if they have questions or worries about anything they hear. That’s especially true if that person is an adult. Your child’s soccer coach, homeroom teacher or the parent of a friend have no business sharing their divorce stories with them.
Inform the necessary parties yourself
You can help minimize some of these questions by telling the necessary people at your child’s school, day care and other environments about the change in your family. They’ll need new contact information, if that’s applicable, for you and your co-parent. You also want to know if they observe troubling behavior that could stem from the changes that your child is experiencing.
The more amicably and efficiently you and your co-parent can proceed through your divorce (particularly in negotiating your child custody agreement and parenting plan), the less likely this transition is to negatively affect your child in lasting ways – even when someone asks or says something that bothers them.
